Let’s start with an honest statement that we often gloss over in church: forgiveness is one of the hardest, most excruciating things the Bible commands us to do.
When someone has deeply wronged you—when they have betrayed your trust, slandered your name, abused you, or abandoned you—the very last thing your human nature wants to do is forgive them. Your sense of justice screams for them to pay for what they did.
If you are reading this and struggling to forgive someone, I want you to know that your struggle is valid. The pain they caused you is real. Forgiveness does not mean pretending it didn’t hurt. But the Bible speaks about forgiveness so frequently because holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. God commands us to forgive not just for His sake, but to set us free.
What Does Biblical Forgiveness Actually Mean?
In the Old Testament, one of the primary Hebrew words for forgiveness is nasa (נָשָׂא). It literally means “to lift up, to bear, to carry away.”
When God forgives our sins, He doesn’t just wave a magic wand and excuse them. He nasa—He bears the weight of them. He lifts them off our shoulders and carries them away. We see the ultimate fulfillment of this on the cross, where Jesus literally bore the weight of our sins in His own body.
This means that when you forgive someone else, you are not saying, “What you did was okay.” You are saying, “I am lifting the burden of this offense off of my own shoulders, and I am handing it over to God, the perfect Judge.”
Also Read: What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness? - Explore this related deep dive.
Also Read: What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?
Two Types of Forgiveness
To understand the Bible’s teaching, we have to look at forgiveness in two dimensions:
- Vertical Forgiveness: God forgiving us.
- Horizontal Forgiveness: Us forgiving others.
These two are inextricably linked. You cannot deeply experience the first without being compelled to practice the second.
The Foundation: Vertical Forgiveness
Before God ever asks you to forgive someone who hurt you, He first demonstrates His unimaginable forgiveness toward you.
“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18, ESV)
“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12, ESV)
God’s forgiveness is total, complete, and unearned. He doesn’t hold our past against us. Once we confess and repent (1 John 1:9), the record is wiped entirely clean.
The Application: Horizontal Forgiveness
Because we have been forgiven an infinite debt, we are commanded to forgive the finite debts others owe us.
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV)
In Peter’s day, the religious rabbis taught that you had to forgive someone three times. Peter thought he was being incredibly generous by offering seven. Jesus’ response—seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven)—wasn’t a math equation. He wasn’t saying, “Keep track until offense number 490.” He was saying that forgiveness must be unlimited.
The Shocking Condition of Forgiveness
We have to address one of the most difficult and shocking passages in the entire Bible. Immediately after giving the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus says:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NIV)
What does this mean? Does it mean we lose our salvation if we struggle to forgive someone?
No. Our salvation is secured by grace through faith. However, this passage reveals a sobering truth about our fellowship with God. If your heart is so hardened by bitterness and a refusal to forgive that you will not extend grace to someone else, it calls into question whether you have truly understood and received God’s grace yourself. A heart that has truly been broken by its own sin and healed by God’s mercy cannot persistently withhold that mercy from another. Unforgiveness builds a wall that blocks your intimacy and fellowship with the Father.
Common Misconceptions About Forgiveness
To forgive well, we need to clear up some incredibly damaging lies about what forgiveness is not.
- Forgiving ≠ Trusting. Forgiveness is a free gift; trust must be earned. You can completely forgive a business partner who stole from you, but you don’t have to give them the keys to the safe again.
- Forgiving ≠ Reconciling. Reconciliation requires the repentance of both parties. If the person who abused you is still dangerous and unrepentant, you can forgive them in your heart from a distance while maintaining strict boundaries.
- Forgiving ≠ Minimizing. Forgiveness does not mean saying, “It wasn’t a big deal.” It was a big deal. It was a terrible wrong. Forgiveness is acknowledging the full debt they owe you, and then tearing up the I.O.U.
Explore: Are Aliens In The Bible
The Most Difficult Case: Forgiving Without an Apology
What do you do when the person who ruined your life refuses to apologize? What if they don’t even think they did anything wrong? What if they have passed away?
Are you required to forgive them?
Yes. And here is why: waiting for an apology keeps you in bondage to the person who hurt you. It gives them the keys to your emotional healing. Jesus did not wait for the Roman soldiers to apologize before He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
You forgive them not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace. You forgive them to untether your soul from theirs.
Dive Deeper: Are ghosts real according to the Bible
Practical Steps to Forgive Right Now
If you want to step into freedom today, here is how you can begin the active process of forgiveness:
- Name the Debt. Don’t be vague. Write down exactly what they took from you. Did they steal your innocence? Your reputation? Your financial security? Name it.
- The Forgiveness Prayer. Pray this out loud: “Lord, [Name] deeply hurt me. They owe me a massive debt for what they did. But just as You forgave my unpayable debt, I choose today to release [Name] from the debt they owe me. I hand them over to Your justice and Your mercy. I choose to forgive.”
- Bless Them. (This is the hardest part). Jesus said, “Pray for those who persecute you.” Ask God to bless them. You will find it is almost impossible to maintain bitter hatred toward someone you are actively praying for.
- Repeat When Needed. Forgiveness is a definitive choice, but it is often a daily process. When the memory flares up next Tuesday and the anger burns your chest, you don’t have to start over. You simply say, “No. I have already forgiven them for that. I release it again.”
God sees your pain. He knows how hard this is. But He is inviting you to drop the heavy stone of bitterness so your hands are free to receive His peace.